I question myself on why relationships rarely survive in this modern society? I have answers that may not be satisfying to you however, to me they do make sense. I think back to how I was as a child and how the affection between my parents were openly displayed. They held hands, kissed, hugged, rested a hand on one another's lap while sitting beside one another and even we as children jumped in their bed for a cuddle they smiled at one another with obvious love. My parents are the reason I love as much as I do and also with this vision of love I have, I also want to feel this with the one man in my life too.
This very thing leads me to how this question above that something so simple can be so complicated today. I have lived through love, broken love and yet survived them all. This is also without saying that I hurt, grieved and even abstained from relationships due to the fact that I could not bear to go through this process again. Is this worth it? Is love worth it?
As contradictory as it sounds, yes, it is worth it. We need love. We all need love. It is how we are created. One simply cannot function without love. So, it leaves me again to the initial question. Why can love not stand the test of all the natural ups and downs that comes with it? I have spent many years on this subject alone and it could be because of many reasons. Society has made it so easy to run from everyday challenges. It is a generalization, however if we think back the generation of our grandparents and even our parents, there were very few couples who ran away from one another. Now, I am not addressing nor sugar coating infidelity or any of those who did choose to leave one another due to abuse either. I am merely sharing my personal views and experiences on what I have seen firsthand and heard from other's relationships.
Society dating back 70 years ago, during the times our grandparents marriages were those who survived wars and many also the depression and all the pre and post war circumstances that came with it. So, it is fair to write that all those in that generation were 'survivors'. They were loyal to one another and even loved from a distance. Many married via telephone as one sailed across oceans to make a better life for their future family. Some actually, sailed leaving one spouse behind with the children to find this 'better life'. Who really knew what really went on when they were separated? I am sure they did think of this back then too. However, their focus was on survival not who had the greater house, most friends and even extra lovers. Unfortunately, in our society at present, what our grandparents did not focus on, are the very things that divide those today. Once again, I am not condoning infidelity. Only, they were more dedicated as families and for this, I can state as my parents were both fine examples of their parents' generational love and they were part of the society when love made it through the 'free love' decades.
Looking at my parents generation of relationships, there were relationships that began to be more open with divorce and separating due to all reasons that were beginning to become more acceptable in society. However, I am not claiming that my parents were 'problem free', that will be false. They too had issues that also many relationships experienced. The only difference is that they continued to talk and love one another, by loving us children. They kept being a family with us and they never ever allowed anyone to interfere with their love. My parents survived family differences and financial challenges. They not once caved in to society and ran away from each other because things got tough. They were amazing as two separate people. Together, they were unstoppable. There was nothing they couldn't get through. I was 14 years old when they left us too soon and were called to God, but I have the strongest memories that still live on, not only through myself, my siblings but also to our children and to all those who knew them.
Both of the generations above were not poisoned by our current culture. Yes, I am adamant that we are living in a society that is slowly poisoning not only those of my generation, but also those of children's - YOUR children, YOUR grandchildren to come and so on!
Divorce is easier to obtain. You can even file for it online! One is even considered 'lucky' if they remain married longer than five years. Now, this is even without mentioning those who are even capable of being in a relationship. I know I am coming across as firm and maybe even cynical or too opinionated. This is my opinion. Some may agree, many may even disagree. I have my reasons for this statement I have made.
I have been married. I know that marriage is not a guarantee of long lasting love, nor is it a contract to maintain your position as a spouse. Mine did break down due to reasons that so many experience today. Differences that were unable to be resolved and yes, I was the one who saw it for what it was and filed the divorce. It was made too easy. So, see, I have led this too. 25 years ago there was still little internet influence and mobile phones were only starting to make it on the market. Back then, we still relied on actually doing something called TALKING and SEEING one another IN PERSON. This is the big difference. There was no Facebook. No way of being available 24/7 online. Mental health was also not as openly addressed back then either, this is a whole other topic.
Many reading this know me on a personal level, the majority do not. I have always been a woman who regarded family as being of importance. However, it begins with YOU first. Look at your family. You may like to ask yourself these questions. Your life as you know it now with relationships may actually be influenced by the relationships that influenced you from childhood.
How was your relationship with your parents/those who were in your life?
What was the relationship like between your parents/those who were in your life?
Did they display affection towards one another?
Did they show you affection?
How did they verbally communicate?
Did they spend quality time together?
What was your childhood like?
As you become an adult, had relationships then possibly married and or had children, did you ever think back to those who influenced you whilst you were growing up? I did. This is how I know what I want out of love and what level of love CAN be reached. It is possible to have this love. The only question you should now ask yourself is 'Do I want to be loved?'