I have to say, I have not been afraid of turning 50. Whilst I know this may sound ancient to such young ones, I have to admit, this is probably the happiest I have ever felt.
People tell you a lot of things growing up through life - some you listen to and take on board, others you let wash over you, and some you hear, but you simply just don’t believe, because you haven’t experienced it yet.
I’m proud to say that turning 50, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been because I’ve finally really grown into myself. I wasted a lot of years worrying about what other people thought of me, their judgement of me, worrying about what people expected of me etc, now I just don’t give a f**k and it really is quite liberating.
I’ve finally found my voice. I’ve finally found the courage to speak with that voice and share my opinions, regardless of what people think. Hell, why not! I used to always be concerned about hurting people’s feelings with what I said, and tried to censor it in my mind before it came out of my mouth (something extremely hard to do for a Sagittarian, trust me, lol), but these days I can honestly say, “what you see, is what you get” with me. I’m not afraid anymore. I feel more confident than I’ve ever felt. I’ve done a lot of inner work on myself to get me to this point, and trust me, every single bit of it has been so worthwhile.
I’m honestly super proud of the person I have become. Don’t get me wrong - I still deeply care for other human beings and always will. I will never go out of my way to hurt someone - with words or in any other way - because that simply is not who I am. The word violence/abuse does not fit into my vocabulary and those that know me best, know that I’m all about love & peace.
Now, I finally feel at peace. I have come a long way and jumped a lot of hurdles. I've experienced a lot of pain and hurt along the way, as do most people. No one gets out of life unscathed, but with 100% confidence I know that I have forgiven the people where necessary, so that I could move forward. Hell, I’ve even forgiven myself. I could even go so far as to say I thank these people for coming into my life, for they have helped mould/create the person I am today. I’ve raised my daughter single-handedly from day one, all on my own, and I can’t tell you how bloody proud I am for that. It hasn’t always been easy. In fact, I’m not sure anything about parenthood is easy, but I certainly couldn’t be more proud of the gorgeous young lady she has turned out to be.
So, don’t ever give up peeps. Regardless of what life throws at you, know that everything happens for a reason. These things happen because that is what you signed up for in this lifetime. These are the lessons you need to learn for your soul to grow. Keep soldiering on through the hardships till you come out the other side (and, you will) and find the blessings that were in it. Trust me, they will be there. God doesn’t give us that which we cannot handle. I live with absolutely no regrets and I’m absolutely thrilled to say it may have taken me 50 years, but I’m finally extremely happy in my own skin. My life is about to begin now. I have hit the refresh button and I couldn’t be more excited for what’s to come in the next 50 years.