Know your Worth
Do you really know your worth? And if so, how much do you value it? Do you set down boundaries with people and make sure they respect said boundaries? Are you teaching those around you how to treat you in the correct way or are those lines blurred at times, whereby sometimes you let things slide and then wonder why you have been disrespected by some people?
I want to share with you a little bit about myself. Learning to love myself is forever a work in progress, something I am continually working on, for I know the more I can love myself, the more I have to offer someone else and all my relationships will continue to flourish. I have come a really long way, and I am proud of that, but still have a ways to go.
For the vast majority of my life I would say I have suffered with low self-esteem and certainly lacked in self-confidence. I’ve really struggled with this over the years, but something else I noticed that went hand in hand with this, is that I never really ever realised my worth. I didn’t set boundaries with people because I never thought I would need to. I thought what you give out is usually what you get back, but sometimes this isn’t always the case. Sometimes good people really do get screwed over for no other reason but that they are just too nice to stand up for themselves, or even too caring for the other person's feelings so instead they squelch their feelings, stifle them down and keep putting one foot in front of the other, all the while feeling like a wounded bull.
I am an Empath, I see the good in all people. I am very trusting - a little too trusting at times - so I usually have the expectation that all is rosy in the world. People are good. Treating people with love and kindness is what I do. I love to help people and will bend over backwards to do so in any way I can, but sometimes this leaves me with an empty tank. I tend to give so much to others before myself that sometimes I even forget the importance of giving to myself first and foremost. Remember here, the more we can fill our own tank, the more we have to give to those around us.
Unfortunately, being an Empath is a magnet for narcissistic people who wish to manipulate you to get what they can from you, and I have come up against more of these people in my lifetime than I care to admit. They quite often communicate through intimidation. It can be a dangerous combination as the narcissist is all out for themselves, and appears to have no care in the world in how they treat you or speak to you. They have no care in the world if they hurt you with their words, they just project all their stuff onto you, blaming you for everything so they don’t have to take a look at themselves and heal what needs to be healed within themselves.
I have done a lot of work on myself over the years, to heal the things that needed to be healed within me. I have learned to set boundaries with people and I can honestly say I’ve gone ahead in leaps and bounds knowing and valuing my worth. I really am proud of how far I’ve come and I now have a very good radar for narcissists. I also have no problem in dropping these people from my life.
But what happens when the narcissist is a member of your own family, someone you are extremely close to? How do you set boundaries with this person, whilst still loving them?
I have no problems with setting boundaries, or dropping these people from my life, albeit friends or acquaintances who try to demean me, belittle me, treat me in such woeful ways I won’t go into here, but when it’s a member of your family, how much are you willing to tolerate?
I have to say that this is the hardest lesson I’ve had to learn yet. I’ve tried to set boundaries and they’ve been knocked down by this person. I have been treated with such disrespect which I know 100% is just simply not deserved, and quite frankly have been deeply hurt by this person over the years with the personal things they have said to me and the way in which they’ve attacked me with their words. Still, I have always loved them. I have continued to push past this without judgement and love them unconditionally as family should do.
Well that was until very recently.
When you truly have found the power within yourself to really know and value your worth, you simply will not tolerate disrespect from anyone. I could not be happier to have reached this point in my life, which I do believe gets easier as you age. You really do get to a point where you know yourself so well, you know how well you treat others and deserve to be treated, and you simply won’t stand for anyone else’s bullshit, no matter whether they are family or not.
I am a person who hates any form of violence - be it physical, verbal, mental or emotional, it comes in many different forms. I also have no tolerance for volatility, aggression or in general, just bad, toxic energy. Being an Empath, I am super sensitive to energy and this energy does not bode well around me or within me. I will also go to great lengths to avoid confrontation, which is why for the longest time I would stifle my feelings with said family member and carry this hurt with me for longer than I should have, to avoid conflict within the family. It simply was not healthy as emotions and feelings that are suppressed are what gives our body dis-ease.
Not any more, though. I am happy to say that I have now truly found my voice. I have begun to really speak my mind with this person, still in a loving way, but showing that I will no longer tolerate disrespect. As we speak, I have currently cut this person from my life. I have not informed them of such, but I have put up a big, fat, red STOP SIGN!
I believe this is the best thing you can do for yourself in regards to a toxic person. I have tried to help this person in dealing with their 'stuff', but I simply cannot do the hard work for them. I have no intention of having a conversation or any kind of interaction with this person until such time that they can speak to me in a loving, respectful way. If they can’t, then unfortunately this relationship will remain fractured.
From this moment forward, I will show people how I wish to be treated, and it will be in the same way in which I treat people, with respect. If they cannot grace me with this one simple request, then I’m sorry bu,t they do not deserve to have a place in my life, family or not.
So I ask each and every one of you:
Are you putting up with disrespect from anyone in your life?
Are you setting the example for how you wish to be treated by others?
Are you teaching people in your life to treat you in the correct way?
Are you setting boundaries in your relationships with others?
If you currently have a toxic person in your life or if this rings bells for you with someone who is disrespecting you or not valuing your worth, I hope this article helps to propel you forward to really stop and think about things and re-evaluate the situation, because you deserve better.