A heads up before you date me
First thing’s first. If there’s a chance of this going anywhere, we need to connect on every level. Every level. I’m no longer allowing myself to just ‘settle’, and neither should you. If something’s missing from our connection, it’s highly unlikely it’ll change if it’s not there in the beginning. It’s gotta all be there.
• I’m an Empath. Don’t know what that is? Then you might want to look into it - it will save a lot of confusion, and you’ll understand me a whole lot better right from the get-go. In a nutshell it means that I feel a LOT, and not just my own emotions. I feel everything my children feel, and hell, I even pick up on the emotions and energy of strangers I meet at the supermarket. So best you get used to the fact that I’ll most certainly pick up on your stuff too - especially the emotions you do your best to keep hidden away. Be prepared to have your heart cracked wide open, baby. On that note, you need to know that I’m not afraid to be vulnerable; in fact, I’ve finally embraced that it’s one of my greatest strengths. So, expect me to be raw and unfiltered when it comes to my thoughts and emotions. I’ll have no trouble letting you know if I’m struggling and just need to be held for a while, or if I’m feeling temperamental and need your strength coz I’m not feeling mine. I’ll also freely tell you when I’m feeling inspired by you, blessed to have you in my life, or just how much I friggin adore you in general. If that’s something you can’t handle, or it makes you uncomfortable, I’m probably not the girl for you. • I don’t do mind games. Period. • Dealbreaker. If I even get an inkling of you displaying narcissistic behaviour, let’s put it this way... don’t let the door hit you on the arse on your way out. If we’ve gotten this far, I will have told you all about my past and what I’ve been through, so you’ll understand this. • I love words. I’m a writer and a publisher, so that should be a given. So, I’ll probably make a habit of sending you deep and meaningful messages, or asking you to read something I’ve just written. Writing (and sometimes talking the night away) is my way of expressing what’s inside of me. If that’s too much for you, then you probably won’t really get me at all. • I want you to respect me, of course. But I also don’t want you to just go along with everything I say or cater to my every whim. That’s boring and unnatural. I want you to challenge me, debate topics with me if you disagree, and call me out if I’m talking shit or being unreasonable. And I need to be able to do the same with you. • My children are my world (obviously). If I let you in enough to meet them, they must be treated with the utmost respect or you’ll be out the door, pronto. They’ve been through a lot (as have I), so this is an absolute dealbreaker. If you wanna be with me, that means my children will be part of your world too, and vice versa with yours. Not negotiable. • I want you to WANT to spend time with me. Having said that, I’m also busy being a Mum and running a business, and in all honesty, sometimes I just need a bit of space. I also need for you to have your own interests, friends and ‘stuff’ that you like to do on your own, coz I do too. But, regular reminders of how important I am to you is perfect. It’s the small stuff that matters to me. • I don’t need you to do EVERYTHING for me. I’ve been doing things on my own for a long time now - making decisions, parenting, and dealing with a whole lot of crap. Sometimes I have no idea what I’m doing, and yep, I get overwhelmed and exhausted at the best of times, but I don’t need ‘keeping’ and I’m not helpless. What I do want is for you to support and protect me when it’s needed (or when you notice I need it, even if I don’t realise it myself). I’ll do the same for you in a heartbeat. Every time. • I love to learn - particularly about myself and life in general. I know that no matter how much I experience in life, that I will forever be learning. I want you to want to learn, grow and evolve along with me, because I will not stay stagnant just to keep you comfortable. Been there, done that, and if only one of us are growing, our connection will dwindle very rapidly. Oh, and you should expect lots of deep, soul enriching conversation, coz that’s how I roll. • I have so many goals and aspirations, which are always changing of course, but you need to have your own too. Neither of us may be 100% clear on this all of the time, but if you have no sense of passion or purpose whatsoever, you’re not for me, sorry. The same goes with us each knowing who we are. This is always going to change, but if we’re not being honest with ourselves about who we really are deep down, then we will never align. No masks please. • Being lovers is vital, yes, but we also need to be besties. We have to be able to laugh at stupid stuff and hang shit on each other. Have real and raw conversations, but also be able to sit in silence with one another comfortably (or have back and forth banter that simply makes us smile). • If I happen to fall in love with you, you’ll know, and there will be absolutely no question of my feelings for you and where you stand. You’ll know without a doubt that there’s a space being held just for you. But if you’re not prepared to meet me there, you’re obviously not ready for the kind of love I have to give, which means my love, that YOU are not enough for me. And lastly, a quote that sums up my feelings on love (I am a writer after all, so I’ve gotta throw something like this in)... Only a small few can hold the gate open when profound love enters. A blessed and courageous few. -Jeff Brown